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Damn it. I didn't want gentle. I wanted him to yell, scream, and force me to do whatever he liked.“Sir?” I said knowing that was the wrong thing to call him.“Sensei, I've told you that a thousand times. It is Sensei, are you stupid?” “Don't call me stupid!” I yelled. Anger flashed on his face.“Why the fuck are you here? You are obviously not interested in trying to do karate. Are you here just to make my life miserable? I can't believe that you are wasting my time. What do you want out of this class? Answer me!”“I do. I want to learn, I want you to teach me. I'll do anything you ask.”“Ok, now show me a real kick!”“Yes Sensei.” I said. I threw the kick and tried hard to make it my best. He still looked disappointed. “You are so weak. Get on the ground and we are going to do some push-ups.” We dropped to the floor and he faced me as we did push-ups. I tried to push, tried to lift my small frame off the ground but I could barely move after only 3 or 4 push-ups. “Stop sticking your butt. First and foremost, how did I feel about Francesca? If Gio and Sam were right, I didn't have to worry about whether I fit in their level of society. I could be accepted as who I was. If they were right. But it still left the question of my feelings for Francesca. Was I being pushed ahead of where I wanted to be? I could feel some pressure, although it wasn't coming from Francesca. There was only one way to resolve this and that was to talk to her.She was in her last year of university, working toward a degree in business. I was going down the same path, but by a different route. I was a year or more away from completing my correspondence studies. And when I finished, I would be obligated to work with Carl Villano, since he had been my sponsor and paid my tuition. I was also grateful for the job that made all of my future possible.We saw each other only on the weekends. We would date informally on Friday night unless Francesca was cramming for exams or had a term paper due. I had.
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